Bitcoin is only useful to people who don’t want to get caught

Dear John: Always love your columns.

I want you to know that if you have an offshore gambling account, bitcoin is not only accepted, it is required! A.G.

Dear A.G.: Ain’t that swell. Thanks for the insight.

If I’m ever going to bet on Manchester United with a bookie in Hong Kong or launder my drug money out of Mexico City, I guess I’ll have to get myself some bitcoin.

Or maybe I’ll practice a broken English accent and make believe I’m from Nigeria so I can steal money from elderly Americans by pretending their granddaughter is stuck in Venezuela and needs airfare home.

I guess you are right, bitcoin is useful.

Just to make sure my readers understand — that’s sarcasm. I have a graduate degree in sarcasm.

Bitcoin is a confidence game that’s useful only to people who don’t want to get caught doing bad things.

Thanks for teeing up that rant.